Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
