Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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