This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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