$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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