I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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