I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
