It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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