Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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