just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
