I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
