So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
