i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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