Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
