i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
