I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize