Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
