Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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