Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
