Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
