Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
