so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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