having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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