my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
