Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
