"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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