i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
