my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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