i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
