I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
