Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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