I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Welp...herpes.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Randomize
