just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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