My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Two words: blizzard sex
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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