Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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