FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
