If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
