I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
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