It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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