I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
