I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
