Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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