Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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