fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
