Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize