You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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