I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
you guys were way drunker than both of me
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
