Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
