I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
