peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
