Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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