feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
