I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
No subtext here. People are naked.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
