A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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