she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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