I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
im having a threesome with these popsicles
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
