and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
