Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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