The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
