Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize