I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
