im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
