....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
