In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
