a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
