i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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