I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
