so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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