Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Randomize
