he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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