Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
no you cant smoke seaweed
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
